I woke up at about 12:00 a.m. and got out of bed. Then, for some reason, I thought that my dresser drawer was a cash register drawer, so I opened it, felt around inside and then laid back down. Seconds later, Shirley called me.
So, I’m on the pill and I don’t have periods. (Too personal? Don’t read it!) Anyways, I’m thinking that my body concluded that I wasn’t suffering enough each month and decided to do something about it. You see, I have asthma and for about a week each month, I have what my doctors say are just prolonged asthma attacks. The first day, I feel a little wheezy and my nose stops working, causing me to mouth breathe like a creep. The second and third day, my wheezing gets worse and my throat feels like someone tried to clean out my throat with metal bristles. By the forth day, I sound like the grudge after walking at anything faster than a leisurely pace. On the fifth and sixth day, I’m sleeping with a humidifier in my room, waking up every hour or two to cough up things you’ve only imagined in your worst nightmares, and honestly, fearing for my life. By the Seventh day, I’m on couch rest and it feels like I’m breathing through a straw. My chest is tight and it’s all I can do to journey to the bathroom and try to take a steam shower. Usually, from there, I progress backwards through the days until I just feel weak and can’t run for a few days.
So, the only logical explanation is that when my body figured out that it couldn’t fill my uterus with blood anymore, it decided to fill my lungs with snot, or poison, I’m not sure yet. Either way, it’s just not right if I’m not in some kind of embarrassing, disgusting pain every so often. I mean, what kind of world would it be if I got to be comfortable all the time?!
Every time I get upset, I start filling out college applications like filling them out will make this year go faster or something. But, I was just thinking, when colleges look through them, do they hire graphologists to interpret what the writing says about the person? Because, they’re going to think that I’m just mad all of the time.
So, sometimes you have to take a punch in the dignity and apologize to someone who doesn’t really deserve it. I don’t mind that at all. No big deal. But, when that person makes it a point to show that they think that they never did anything wrong and makes you feel like they think they’re superior to you, it makes you want to “accidentally” knock them across the hallway with your backpack again. God, give me strength.
Someone on formspring asked me why anyone bothered to write a song about Jimmy cracking corn if they supposedly didn’t care. It made me start thinking about nursery rhymes and I just wanted to share what I figured out. Look’a here:
"It’s raining, It’s pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed and bumped his head
And couldn’t get up in the morning”
Now, I loved this when I was little because of the upbeat tune and rhythmic sound, but I never really thought about it. It’s about an old guy hitting his head and (I’m just speculating here) dying. Back then, I thought maybe he just had a headache and I said to myself “Why didn’t he just take an asprin?” But, I was a foolish child.
Now, another skull splitter:
"Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after”
It makes you feel like it rhymes, but it doesn’t. Anyways, from what I take of this, the kid, Jack, tumbles on down the hill and splits his wig. Maybe this is a stretch, but I’m guessing that Jill saw all of this go down and then jumped, too. Or maybe she couldn’t handle the grief, so she died soon after. I don’t know. Still pretty morbid. And that’s not all of it:
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again”
I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll just say what everyone should be asking themselves; Who came up with the idea that Humpty Dumpty was an egg? Why were the horses trying to put him back together? They’re horses. They don’t have thumbs. They would probably exacerbate the problem. Why was it a great fall? Did he have a blast on the way down? This is just a depressing tale about someone with a great name and terrible balance.
"Hickory Dickory Dock
The Mouse Ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory Dickory Dock”
Really? C’mon. It’s like they weren’t even trying. One and down don’t really rhyme. And dickery? They could have used so many other letters. I think this goes on eleven more times with the other numbers. It’s just dumb.
Well, I could go on, but I’m an important person with many leather bound books and I need to go do business things. Later ‘gator.